This note is strictly for you....
How do you feel when you see me?
Are you disappointed? I bet you are. I`m sorry I`ll never be what you wanted me to be. But this is just who I am.
You know I still hate you for everything you did, and do, right?
But I`m not writing this to let you know that, because I hope you already understand that. But this is just a letter, asking if you could remind me where this all went wrong?
Where we started falling apart?
Maybe where we first started drifting off.
I know I don`t act like it, and maybe you wouldn`t guess it, but I miss the old you. The you who would hang with me and play video games and toss around a football with me. Where did that all go?
Down the drain I guess.
Do you even know if I`m alive half the time? I mean, we never really talk anymore.
A quick 'what`s up?' once in awhile isn`t much of a conversation.
Where are you?
What are you thinking about?
Are you worried about me and Mom and Jake?
Could you even care less?
These are answers I`ll never receive, and I understand that.
But what I can`t understand is why you can`t except me, or even try to strike up a conversation with me. Do you know how much it would help?
You have no idea about the suicide attempts, or the anger and depression I`m going through. I know you don`t know, Mom doesn`t even know.
Would you see me any differently if you did know?
Probably not. I`d still be the artist freak upstairs who you are disappointed in.
Dad, one more question.....
Do you know I still love you-the old you?